12 Apr 2018

Mecha Academy Episode 1 Chapter 7 Commentary

A raw nerve pushes Rhiannon to violence, in Chapter 7.

This chapter really ramped up the conflict between Rhiannon and Dusty.  If people were willing to talk, there wouldn't have been a problem, but Rhiannon isn't willing to listen and Dusty doesn't want to talk.  Not helping is that Rhiannon is still grieving for her brother.  What was a touching gesture became a point of contention, one that Dusty had no way to know.  Also not helping is Dusty shutting down around Rhiannon.  From her point of view, she deserves the abuse she's getting from Rhiannon.  There doesn't seem to be a way out from here between them.

The conflict between the two young women can't continue, from both an in-story and a writing standpoint.  In-story, Dusty and Rhiannon have to either kill each other or find a way to get along.  From the writing side, the conflict isn't sustainable in a series.  They might snipe at each other, they might call each other names - something Dusty has already started - but they have to work together at some point.  I get Rhiannon and Dusty in at least a truce, Miyami will be on-board, eventually.  But, that truce isn't now.  It's due to come in Episode 3, which is still being written.  Episode 3 is somewhat stalled out right now; I have too much happening and reached a point where I have too many characters yelling at each other.  It'll get sorted out, but that's where the conflict turns from

Miyami, Ric, and Lars are slowly falling to the background.  It was an issue with the original work done, too.  The Rhiannon/Dusty conflict took centre stage in the snippets I wrote.  I am trying to get more scenes with the other three in.  They deserve screentime.  So, they get their own scenes in the new work.  Lars picked up a romance of sorts.  Miyami had a scene involving her hacking, though more should be done.  Ric, well, he just goes when he gets a scene.  He doesn't have his own storyline yet, but he's the people person of the group and will get involved in a plot even if I don't want him there.  But, yeah, there are areas that I need to work on here.

And to contradict what I wrote last week, there is a faster-than-light means of communications.  The singularity web isn't instantaneous, but it works well enough for calling people on other planets.  The web uses the same singularity technology that allows for ships to travel between systems.  My bad last week.  Rhiannon did have to wait for her call to connect.  It all works on handwavium, but I need to keep the handwavium consistant.

Rhiannon gets to be the second character to have a parent appear.  Lars had his drop him off at the Academy back in Chapter 1.  Rhiannon's mother is a little more formal.  The scene let me show the reasons Rhiannon has in dealing with Dusty on her own.  She could just tell her parents, but Rhiannon is trying to become an adult who isn't dependent on her family's largesse.  Might be a mistake on her part.

Friday, Mecha Academy, "Roommates" Chapter 8, "By Your Leave".
Also Friday, over at Psycho Drive-In, Arrow Season 1.
Saturday, over at The Seventh Sanctum, Supergirl Season 1.

1 comment:

  1. The scenes of the other characters do work, though Miyami still feels like the weak link in terms of a lack of squad thinking. (Also, weird random reference to her by Haag earlier on.) In particular, surely there was no way for Dusty to necessarily even know whose cereal she was getting, and why wouldn't someone point that out? Miyami seems the closest to be able to do that.

    Ric's cot thing felt like it flowed naturally. Lars needs to do something with his subplot soon enough though. As for the mains, the Rhiannon conversation felt like it rang true enough, and Dusty being ordered to relax sounds like a normal thing.