The Elf's Prisoner - Commentary 12

Kazimier does some recruiting, in The Elf's Prisoner Chapter 12.

The plot is about to get going again.  The party of adventurers are set.  Kazimier just needed to get his own people in.  Wren is an Outrider, think long range patrol, often alone.  When she was mute, that was an ideal role for her.  She wouldn't have to speak except when a problem cropped up.  If she came riding back at a gallop, Kaleena and her troops would know something was wrong.  If Wren returned at a normal pace, all was well.

In D&D and other fantasy tabletop RPGs, there's a standard party consisting of at least one priest, at least one wizard, at least one melee warrior, at least one ranged warrior, and one rogue.  There can be overlaps; the rogue often becomes the ranged warrior and the priest can usually mix things up almost as well as the melee fighter.  With Wren, the group is just missing the wizard and the rogue.  Good thing Jyslyn is around.

Sure, it seems a little contrived, but Jyslyn's original concept dates from the mid 80s.  In first edition AD&D, with the Unearthed Arcana book, drow elves became a playable race.  Jyslyn predates Drizzt Do'Urden, though this story does not.  I was intrigued by the idea of a drow woman going into the magic-user class, against tradition.  However, with level limits what they were, Jyslyn would be stuck at around 4th or 5th level.  For playability, I created her as a multil-class character, adding thief, since it wasn't capped.  The in-story reason is that she had to sneak around, both at home in order to learn magic and then when she made her escape to the surface world, which is still her background in The Elf's Prisoner.

The other part of the contrivance, though, is that she never used a spell in the fight against the gnolls back in Chapter 2.  Granted, the situation was chaotic and Jyslyn was suffering from a severe sunburn, but she either should have cast a spell of some sort or made a decision to not cast a spell.  Again, the dangers of pantsing a fantasy story.  I hadn't fully formed how magic worked at that point, despite Kazimier having cast a spell to understand Jyslyn.

If I knew that these five characters would be a team, why did it take twelve chapters to get them together?  I wanted the coming together to be organic.  It's one thing to start with the team already together, but that's the author putting them together.  From the reader's perspective, the team should have a reason for being there beyond "for the plot."  Movies like The Seven Samurai and its American remake, The Magnificent Seven, added the gathering of the protagonists as part of a story.  It's not just what the characters do anymore, it's who they are and how well they get along.

One aspect of my writing of late is to bring in potential fetishes and then play them straight.  This happens more in Unruly and the students, but I went the same route in this chapter.  I'm not saying that all the fetishes are mine; what good would it be to appeal to just the author?  The readers deserve to see their own fetishes appear, too.  Thus, Wren washed Jyslyn's long copper-red hair.  That should cover a number of kinks right there.  I'm not saying it's a great method of writing, but it helps me work out scenes.  Can I start with a fetish and make the scene work without playing into the kink.  The same idea resulted in Numbers in By the Numbers.  I don't go to this well all the time, but it works when I need a scene starter.

Friday, the Socratic method in action, in The Elf's Prisoner Chapter 13.
Also Friday, over at Psycho Drive-In, Blazing Transfer Students Reborn.
Saturday, over at The Seventh Sanctum, Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse.

The Elf's Prisoner - Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Previously:

Leomund experienced cultural differences.

Wren's apartment, Wildwood, the Sylvan Forest
The next morning found Kazimier knocking at Wren's door.  After a few minutes, Wren appeared.  She looked up at Kazimier.  "Hello!"

"Hello, Wren."  Kazimier tried to peer into the apartment.  "Is Jyslyn awake?"

Wren nodded.  She stepped aside to let her visitor inside, then closed the door.  "We're washing her hair."

Jyslyn waved from where she lay on a bench.  Her hair dangled into a basin.  She had a dark red blanket wrapped around her, leaving her bare feet exposed.  "Hello, Kazimier.  Checking up on us?"

Kazimier sat on Wren's sofa.  "A little.  Just making sure you're settling in and Wren is adjusting."

Wren returned to her task.  "We're good."  She wrung the soap out of Jyslyn's copper hair.

"Wren's been busy making sure I get settled in."

"Good, good."  Kazimier held his breath.  "The Dame Knight was worried about your presence yesterday.  You might want to avoid her until she leaves."

The Elf's Prisoner - Commentary 11

Cultural misunderstandings, in The Elf's Prisoner Chapter 11.

I had a bit of fun while writing the chapter.  I decided I wanted to emphasize that Wildwood was a matriarchy.  It wasn't enough to have a Council of Matriarchs; the society needed to reflect the difference.  I blew it with the shopkeeper in Chapter 9.  The owner should have been a woman, with Tersial being her husband.  This is why worldbuilding is done before writing starts, not after or, in this case, during.  The quick fix would be to change Tersial's name to something like Terenia and flip all the character's pronouns.  The character isn't major and only exists to show how Wildwood denizens aren't happy with Jyslyn being there.

Anyway, the idea I wanted out was that the average elf woman are far more forward than the average human woman from the Seven Dominions.  Leomund got to be my lab rat for that.  Lia, the serving girl, took a shine to him; after all, Leomund is exotic to her.  She took the initiative and then took Leomund out.  Lia was the pursuer, the aggressor.  Leo just went for the ride.  When Kaleena caught them, she went straight to Lia, not because Leomund is a guest in the city but because she knew whose idea it was.

I wanted to try something different with Lia's dialogue.  Leomund doesn't speak elven, more because I didn't want to create a language whole cloth during NaNoWriMo.  Instead, she understands the language used in the Seven Dominions but not fluently.  Elements of how the elven language works came out.  To emphasize that, I turned to a real language, French.  I translated Lia's words into French, then did a blind idiot translation back, keeping the word order.  Her first sizable dialogue, "I you understand.  What is it you want?" started as, "I understand you.  What would you like?"  In French, "Je vous comprende,  Qu'est-ce que vous voulez?"  Going back, I went word by word instead of by sentence.  And I did that for each time she spoke.  The process didn't slow me down that much.  The problem on re-reading it is that the lines aren't that complex.

The Elf's Prisoner is still in its raw form.  I try to catch errors, but some still make it through.  It's holding together better than I expected, considering that it was a last minute choice for NaNo 2015.  Here's hoping it's enjoyable to readers.

Friday, recruiting the last members of the quest, in The Elf's Prisoner Chapter 12.
Also Friday, over at Psycho Drive-In, the road to an original superhero movie.
Saturday, over at The Seventh Sanctum, Blazing Transfer Students Reborn.

The Elf's Prisoner - Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Previously:

Nyssa found another travelling companion.

Four Leaf Inn, Wildwood, the Sylvan Forest
Leomund paced in the private room the innkeeper provided.  No word had reached about his liege's condition, though a parcel had arrived, replacement clothes as the runner explained.  One set was his size; the other, he reasoned, had to be for Dame Nyssa.  The clothes didn't look like they were for burial, but Leomund didn't know elf culture at all.

The worst part was the waiting.  Leomund had Nyssa's full armour set out, cleaned, and oiled.  Her weapons also received cleaning and sharpening.  The inn took their dirty clothes to be laundered.  There just was nothing else to be done, leaving Leomund's mind to worry about Nyssa.  She would chide him if she knew.

The door burst open.  "Leo, my boy!"  Nyssa hopped in, supported by an elf on either side of her.  "Good to see you."

Leomund met Nyssa and her escorts, taking the knight from the elves.  "How is you leg, ma'am?"

"It'll be as good as new."

The sharp tang of alcohol hit Leomund.  "And you've been celebrating the diagnosis, I smell."  He helped Nyssa to a bed.

"Elven wine is subtle, Leo.  Remember that."

"I will, ma'am."  Leomund gave each elf a few silver pieces before ushering them out of the room.  "How long will we be here?"

The Elf's Prisoner - Commentary 10

Busy day for a Matriarch, in The Elf's Prisoner Chapter 10.

Sometimes, a patient just will not listen to her healer.  Nyssa has a reason.  Several, but Kazi will accept only one of them - the need to find out who is trying to rile up the various nations.  Nyssa's other reasons include being stubborn, being unwilling to let her body slow her down, and being a pain in the ass.  Nyssa is also already planning the next leg of her trip and having an elf guide through the Sylvan Wood is a boon she could use.

The plot is starting to come together here.  Ten chapters in and I finally worked out the main plotline.  Not that the gathering of the heroes isn't a bad thing.  Many movies have been built around the idea, including The Seven Samurai, the American remakes The Magnificent Seven and Battle Beyond the Stars, and the movies leading into Marvel's The Avengers.  Establishing the characters while maintaining action and, more importantly, reader interest, is a tough act, especially when the plot doesn't want to come together just yet.

That's three of the main characters committed to the quest - Nyssa, her squire Leomund, and now Kazimier.  That leaves Wren and Jyslyn, so why start with Kazi?  Kazimier has authority in Wildwood as a priest.  He might not be able to order anyone, but he can ask and others will weigh what his needs compared to their own.  Getting Kazi on board is critical for Wren and Jyslyn.  The former is young, still an apprentice.  The latter is an outsider and feels that just leaving with no word would cause an unnecessary stir.

I'll note for everyone again that The Elf's Prisoner is not yet complete.  There's a lot written, but the story just grew far larger than expected.  It happens, at least to me during NaNoWriMo.  Unlike previous works that needed a chapter or two to wrap up, The Elf's Prisoner sprawls.  Nature of the beast, maybe.

Friday, Leomund learns the elven tongue, in The Elf's Prisoner Chapter 11.
Also Friday, over at Psycho Drive-In, what to expect in 2019.
Saturday, over at The Seventh Sanctum, the road to an original superhero movie.

Happy 2019!

Happy New Year!  May 2019 bring in good news and good cheer.

The Elf's Prisoner - Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Previously:

Wren and Jyslyn got to know each other.

Council Hall, Wildwood, the Sylvan Forest
The journey to the Council Hall took far too long for Nyssa's taste.  The healer remained by her side, clucking at her and her leg.  The knight put up with the coddling; she was getting to see someone of import.  She knew she could hobble faster, but the healer had given her two choices; a slow pace or meet the Matriarch in the morning.  The tension she felt from the elves in Wildwood had her concerned.  The presence of the dark elf was the cause, but the reaction was still building.  The knight had to meet with the Matriarch now, before the inevitable riot broke out.

Nyssa lowered her head as she entered the elven Matriarch's office.  The healer fell to one knee, his head also  bowed.  The Matriarch signalled for the healer to stand.  "Kazimier," the Matriarch started, "you bring yet another surprise to me."

"Matriarch Starpetal, this is Dame Nyssa of the Kingdom of the Seven Domains.  She requested an audience."

Nyssa smirked.  "I demanded, so don't punish the lad."