tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6464382918796251124.post8233744080896050392..comments2021-05-16T13:41:12.015-04:00Comments on The Chaos Beast: Crossover Chapter 18 - CommentaryScott Delahunthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06735796666483741699noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6464382918796251124.post-55683742124579231492015-12-27T22:53:44.586-05:002015-12-27T22:53:44.586-05:00"Crossover" was originally written as a ..."Crossover" was originally written as a novel, not a serial, so months between the start and now wasn't expected. And it could be a "Ooh, that was a setup!" moment on a re-read. :D Vicki is a rookie hero, though, and needs to work on her heroic banter.<br /><br />He could have a manipulator arm like R2-D2. I managed correct the problem, somehow, so seemlessly that even I can't find it. (Right, "gait", though using a gate on Nasty wouldn't be a bad idea.) It still is a long night, but, yeah, if I had figured it out a little more, I might have added something afterwards. If this were a proper serial, the line would have been a couple of chapters ago.<br /><br />Oh, good. I wondered about them for a moment when I wrote them, then continued because I still needed word count. And, yeah, I could have added them in here. It just didn't occur to me at the time. The dangers of pantsing.Scott Delahunthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06735796666483741699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6464382918796251124.post-15386332913761530282015-12-27T17:57:24.180-05:002015-12-27T17:57:24.180-05:00Fun fact - I'd forgotten about the strength en...Fun fact - I'd forgotten about the strength enhancers. That was months ago. Of course, different people read differently, and someone else (Alpha groupies?) might have caught it. It's also one of those things that can work well on a reread. ("Ooh, that was a setup!") The one thing with Alpha's banter though? It makes Tori's that much weaker by comparison. It's hard to pull off two bantering characters. ("You and what army? Um, again? Meredith, you took all the good lines!")<br /><br />The extra arm thing is funny. Though maybe Omega carries a spare! (Also "Omega walked with a heavy gate" should probably be "gait" unless he's swinging landscape material at Nasty.) And while we're talking edits, I don't think you want to end a part on "This is going to be a long night" if the next part ends the battle... probably want to go with "Now we need a cunning plan" or "Time for do or die", or something more final. (I know - you're cropping a larger battle. Just saying.)<br /><br />I didn't really pick up on the sentence fragments - it felt natural, so that was good. Again, I don't feel like it's necessarily going on too long either... if anything, I'm wondering where Tori's father, Micki and the rest of the supporting cast went to. They could totally have been reacting through there too.Gregory Taylorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06547180132612659893noreply@blogger.com