tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6464382918796251124.post6262692145347246838..comments2021-05-16T13:41:12.015-04:00Comments on The Chaos Beast: The Soul Blade Chapter 16 - CommentaryScott Delahunthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06735796666483741699noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6464382918796251124.post-61068577310362001832017-02-05T21:37:04.929-05:002017-02-05T21:37:04.929-05:00The original issue didn't make sense, which yo...The original issue didn't make sense, which you pointed out before. Removing it removes one of the dangling plot points that were preventing an ending. And the conversation between the sisters at least avoided bickering. It was a short meeting, but Gary wanted to make sure that everyone met.<br /><br />A little; could be edited down some, but I wasn't sure how. The future/past comes from the original concepts, Hindsight (Brenna) and Foresight (Grace). I need (or maybe needed?) to work on getting the cast in gear and going instead of talking. (It's a ground-breaking police series from the 80s, setting the style for a decade. :) ) Could be, yeah - I need to avoid that in the future.Scott Delahunthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06735796666483741699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6464382918796251124.post-51649282773545462512017-02-05T14:28:48.076-05:002017-02-05T14:28:48.076-05:00I think that change on Brenna's worries was a ...I think that change on Brenna's worries was a good edit - in fact, I thought Brenna's concerns about everyone "moving on" felt very sincere, leading to a nice scene with Grace, versus most of their plot-style conversations (that seem to stall out) or family conversations (that seem to cause bickering). Brenna also really had no time to get any sort of "vibe" - Amy's appearance was rather rushed. I figured they might have drinks and get to know each other before leaving, but it was all of 'introduction'-'bye now'. Did her father really need his daughters home for that? He could have shown a picture to achieve a similar effect.<br /><br />The "recap" feel at the dinner goes on a bit long, in my opinion. Krista's angle at leads adds something new to the murders, a public perception of events, and it helps to create her character. Also the seeing of future/past, something that had slipped my mind. (I hadn't consciously realized my Azure and Chartreuse had parallels with your characters.) But after the jeans remarks, leading to the recap of Missy's ghost and talking about Matt, nothing new is added, it's a rehash of events that aren't plot relevant. (Miami Vice goes to character, I guess, but having never seen it, that doesn't do anything for me. It also may date the story, something you spoke about in a prior commentary.) Could probably have been a paragraph summary instead, but that's just my opinion.GregThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17689711881670288362noreply@blogger.com